Reflection of this summer

I haven't made a textual post in a while and thought I should since my mind has been running wild with different thoughts. It's basically the end of summer and I guess... and I do really hate to admit but my summer didn't turn out the way I thought it would be. I worked a lot, leaving tight schedules which made it hard to make plans with friends and just made others totally give up on me. Or I on them. It's strange really. I don't think I'll ever seem to get over it. It being, how different everything actually is.

I work with a lot of girls who are younger than me. Some a year younger so they just graduated and they're all excited, scared, and nervous for change. Some are two years younger than me so they're just about to enter their senior year. I can't believe how much I missed senior year. Now, I hardly speak to anyone from high school.. let alone see them. Maybe it's my fault, maybe it's theirs. The finger pointing never ends. But I just can't help and think what now.

Even in just a year's time... it's so weird seeing where everyone is at this point in their lives. Party animals, ambitious, or in hiding. It seems as though most of my posts have been about my separation anxiety from high school and the perfection it seemed to be in retrospect. But above all else, how much I miss my old friends.

It seems as though I took this topic in stride... but it pains me every time I let myself think back in time. In anticipation for this summer I thought it would be a chance to rekindle these friendships - deep inside even though I didn't want to admit it. But again, I was wrong. Yet, I have new hopes going on forward.

I think I turned into an archetype hippie this past few months. I tried out yoga which I love and hope to continue this semester at school. I'm slightly more aware of what I eat and what I should or should not eat even though it's difficult to with my culture. And my style is definitely different. Although Mark would like to categorize me as an A class "hipster". I like to call my style bohemian on a budget? A tad corny but oh well. I grew an affinity to nature and pretty scenery which I never really stopped to appreciate before. Hippie yet? Maybe not.

I also decided to take my blog in a different direction. With super big fail on my 30 day snap challenge... I don't think this blog will longer be aimed at tips and advice of products and trends. But will be more a personal and lifestyle blog. I hope to continue posting pictures of outfits and such but possibly more rants. I've been delving in different blogs lately and felt inspired to take my blog in a different direction.

Skinny people SUCK

I remember even thinking like this since middle school. I never understood why people thought skinny had a positive connotation to it. It's the fact that society assigned a negative connotation to the word fat so the population assumes that the opposite word with the opposite meaning assumes the positive. Naturally so, because it's logical. But I disagree. I don't know how the next "skinny" person feels but being skinny is not all that great. Yeah, flat stomachs, thigh gaps, and tight arms are the three amazing things that everyone lusts for and those are the three things skinny people have. But coming to college I realized that skinny people can be bullied too.

And before whoever you are that's reading this thinks "Bullshit." let me put it in context for you.

Since I've been here I've been reminded, noted (almost) on a daily basis, and teased about how easily I can die. I get told that I can be easily be stepped upon and instantly die. If I were in a car full of people and we got into a terrible car accident, I'd be the first to die. I'm so skinny that I can be broken up because of how thin I am and die. Etc. I get it's all fun and games but here is what I don't get.

To me, all those remarks are synonymous to telling someone who is fat or obese that they need to lose weight or diet immediately because

1. They are at a higher risk of getting cancer.
2. They are at a higher risk of getting diabetes.
3. They are at a higher risk of heart failure.

So you better start losing weight. Or else you'll die.

In a room full of people. If someone were to ever, ever joke to someone "You're so fat you can get CANCER." I'm sure it won't be humorous anymore. And I always get the "Oh god Christine, POOR YOU. YOU ARE SO DAMN SKINNY. YOUR LIFE SUCKS." sarcastic remark. Well, ok I'll take that in stride because in some ways I do find myself lucky to be blessed with my body. But people need to just stop being so comparative. Living on a floor full of girls, it gets maddening. It pisses me off how people who are half an inch taller than me act like they are a foot taller. And how someone who has the same exact body type as me complain how fat she is in comparison to someone who truly is more heavy than her. I get it. Skinny people have it better. Whatever! Everyone needs to take a look in the same damn mirror and realize what you see is what you get. And as long as you're living healthy there are other things to worry about.

And the thing to take away from this blog post since you did get to the end is much like people calling stupid things "gay" or calling someone stupid a "faggot" are misused slang that offend homosexual men. Calling someone a "stick" or someone "skinny" are also misused slang that offend thinner people. People just need to be more aware of the underlying context of what they're saying and "skinny" is a word that most often get overlooked. And people who make the comments and think skinny people don't get offended because their life is so good they don't have a muffin top are ignorant. Because regardless of how skinny people are they still are humans and have feelings and insecurities AND DON'T LIKE BEING TOLD THEIR LIFE EXPECTANCY CAN GO FROM 100 TO 19 AT ANY SECOND. So before you say how lucky someone is because of how skinny they are then do a self-check and remember this blog post.

Because I'd rather be called healthy than skinny.

Losing is hard to do

Have you ever gotten into an argument where you were so convinced that you were right and that the other person was wrong? You both go at it giving some good concrete evidence until suddenly you get that plummeting feeling? Suddenly you opponent gives a good comeback that shatters your stance and suddenly you lose your ground. You realize you're wrong but you're not wiling to back down. So you settle for fallacies, particularly ad hominems, an attack on the opponents character irrelevant to the argument. But the last thing you want to do is back off and admit you're wrong even though you find yourself in a corner. 

I know it's hard admitting you're wrong. I find it hard too. For the longest time I would just get mad whenever I lost. It's a trait we all acquired because of society and also how we are all wired. Losing is one of the worst feelings we can feel and psychologically, hormones channel our losing memories to the deepest part of the brain so that we will never forget it. And believe it or not, it affects our entire body. Everything slows down and physically and emotionally.

So when I see someone in that kind of situation, where they just see they are wrong. If they back down and admit it, I suddenly gain a new found respect for them. It's hard to admit defeat. It's not only upsetting but it's also kind of embarrassing. But it's also something else - mature. 

New Year's Eve!

No photo today! Today, my parents started getting all our numerous superstitions ready for the new year. One of them is having 13 round fruits displayed on the dinner table in a round container. Also placing plenty of different coins of different values underneath your pillow, hanging grapes on the front door, and placing coins on a round plate outside. I don't really do any of these myself besides the coins under my pillow.

I was thinking that counting down to New Year's is such a weird thing. Everyone puts on this new mantra that the next year will be better and everyone has high hopes. Then we spend time counting down the seconds as it gets closer and closer to January 1st. It's infused into society and the way we think. Humans have a tendency to get stuck in the past and find it impossible to move on. New Year's makes it possible. As a world, we all ring in the New Year. Anticipating a brighter future with positive outlooks. I think it's really something.

There's always those people that show up on your Facebook newsfeed or Twitter timeline trashing the "New Year, New Me" statuses and the people who criticize people who make New Year's Resolutions saying that if they wanted to change they can do it at anytime and just because it is a new year does not mean they will change for the better. But why put them down and why make fun of them about it? On just my perspective, I think it's good for them. Whether they really do change or don't, I don't really blame them. It is really hard to change something about your personality. But the thing that New Year's does is that everyone (or almost everyone) reflects and finds things they want to change about themselves and we all set foot towards those changes together. And who really knows if that person changed. So if you're one of those people suppressing your "New Year, New Me" status, it's okay. I'm here to give you a pat on the back for at least wanting to change something for the better. Just remember in the back of your mind that the same people who want to trash the "New Year, New Me's" are probably going to be the same people who will trash them next year.

ANYWAYS, as for me 2012 was really a good year. I had my 18th birthday and my Debut Party, went through my senior year -- prom, graduation, had an alright summer, then started my first semester at college and came back slightly different. (I didn't wanna piss off the people who hate "College Changed Me" statuses. ;) ) I appreciate everything that was thrown at me because I got through it and I'm happy for all my old friends, new friends, and family that surround me today! I can't wait to see what 2013 has in store and how many times it will take for me to stop writing 12 and start writing 13.

Happy New Year's Eve! :)